Shawna the Hut

the picture today is my old Jr High
i went to school there once
it used to be cool - well not really but it was jr high
the big thing is the gym which i hated because gym class sucked ass, i used to buy off my teacher with baseball cards, because 1 i am lazy and 2 i am lazy 3 i am not much of a group player, i am a good target for dodge ball though and i could take a hit without crying so yeah that was jr high gym class, smelly changing rooms, coach rogers walked like beeker.
ok back to the main part of this story if there really was a main part but i figured since i like went all out on the title that i should make it make sense or well sort of, but ask any dude who i went to jr high with about shawna the hut and they will instantly look behind them and flinch or even cover their crotch.... now time to explain or will or do i.. ok i will because i love to tell stories and this one is funny... how i met shawna or shall i say how shawna met me, so like 7th grade i was like 5' 6" i was lucky if i weighed 100lbs, so back to the story, it was maybe the second week of school i think scott malone was my locker partner anyway i was putting a book or hiding my stash or something like that and this hand came out of nowhere and grabbed my ass so hard it hurt, i wasn't sure what the hell to think, i was violated... i quickly looked around and it was like all dudes with the same expression as me, turns out she hit like 8 people all in one swooop, and not a damn person saw a damn thing, shawna was like that, and she wasn't a small girl but damn she would vanish like a puff of smoke, you would be standing there in an empty hall and all of a sudden bam your junk got grabbed or your ass was squeezed you would spin around maybe to catch the door at the end of the hall closing but that was it, she was like a ghost, a perverted ghost.... this went on for awhile, most of the dudes didnt care it was kinda flattering to have your shit grabbed on a daily basis - hey this was 7th grade the fucking wind would set you off or well me anyway, i guess about mid year some people started complaining and i think shawna was suspended for a few days and the ass grabbing stopped for awhile anyway, then she started calling people, the thing with shawna she had like 80 or 90 cousins and a few of them went to our school so like she would threaten people with them, she was a mini mafia don in the making hence the name shawna the hut (she was big too, and i mean big) i hope she never reads this because she might hurt me. she left school after like 8th grade and i saw her later when i was in high school she had this big scar down the side of her face she got in a box cutter slash fight with some other girl, she was like you should see that other bitch... and i was more afraid of her, she did not have a pinky ring at least. if and when i randomly run into anyone i went to jr high with we grab each others asses and run, she changed the way we communicate... good thing i don't see to many people i went to jr high with

Too Much Too Quick

i wanna fuck you silly

the pencil the ham and the wizard

Ok today is quite the opposite from yesturday. My brain is going super light speed fast today, i can fuck you and chewbacca and be back to eat my salad before you can even spell chewbacca = Yeah its that kinda day. I got like 700 ideas for things that i am trying to get off the ground and rolling - anyone bored and want to help :D No gross stories today sorry i am on the clock here...

Fuck you and your Harpsichord

all i wanted this morning was coffee and i didn't get none
fuck it all

Can I Resize Your Vagina

so i was playing on the internet the other night and i got this instant message from a friend of mine, she is working on this project and needed me to resize some images for her because she doesn't have photoshop and really doesn't want to learn it or bother with it, so i was like yeah sure how many you got and she said a few i was like cool send em on over then i will size em up and send em back no problem... there was a digital pause then she said "um they are pictures of vaginas" i was like hmmmmm vaginas you say, so i was like yeah send em on over... so i get this email a few minutes later with all these vaginas in it and i open up the first one and its like bam huge thing on my monitor, the image was huge not the vagina, well it was kinda big too but anyway its a monster of a thing on my screen and its like a super closeup the kinda stuff i take of dirt and trash but a vagina. i was like shocked for a minute i revereted back to the instant 7th grader now what the hell am i supposed to do with this thing. but i got it resized and gave it a lil color adjustment so now i feel like i am part of that vagina, then i had more to do the others were not as expertly photographed but before it was all over with i had a desktop full of vaginas and i never even got a pop up. sweeet

OH Sassy OH Sassy

and the day just changed
"OH SASSY" lord blue kiss says
he calls anything with wheels oh sassy
my nephew is rad he can smile and say cheeese
the girl on the other hand is so damn smart she scares and at 10 drives like mario andretti don't mess with her (she is the nice one)

They are About to MAKEOUT

my plant says to say hi. so umm HI from my plant. i think he is using me to get popular over the internet, he even has his own myspace account iamtheplant he makes fun of me when i come in with a hangover or morning wood, he says since i typed so much shit yesturday i need to cut it short today, leave the reader (YOU) guessing, then i was like guessing what? if im stupid and lazy or just stupid and horny...

COMPUTER IN YOUR DOODER

so yes i am back to work - back to life - back to reality - and yes i was singing that when i wrote that. so now what? what? what? the new james figurine (aka figurine, dntel, other half of postal service) is pretty damn good. well i have only been through it 4 times now but so far i likes it. makes me want to disco in my undies. so yeah this is my trip on speed ready ready ready go:
left work early friday
went home packed
loaded car
did crap in town
hit the road i-70 to be exact
got stuck in traffic
listened to the stack of cds i burned
gas at warrensburg exit
stopped after columbia to PEEEE
made faces at some lil kid in the back of a van around warrenton
called random people
drove like a maniac through stL (im afraid of nelly UH UH UH)
stopped in cape girardeau went to barnes n noble for a book (haunted) and coffee and to PEEE
made the jump to light speed and landed in cville in no time
hugged mom
hugged dad
kicked my nephew
kicked my brother james
kicked my brother matt
talked to parents and bros
they went to bed
matt and i went for a ride about then to jamies house to play ps with josh and scott
we watched stupid tv and made scoot almost pee his pants
everyone feel asleep cept me
went home sleep wars
-----------------------
dad wakes me up earlier than i have been in years
i make fun of him while i eat cookies and mt dew for breakfast
he makes fun of me
we load up a truck
we unload a truck
my cousin shows up
we load his truck
we load a truck
we unload the trucks
my brother shows up with yet another truck and a trailer
we load it then we unload it
then we load it again
the we unload it again
then we eat lunch
then we are done moving
i go with paul and scott to his father in laws mothers house (yeah i said it right)
cool place (she died so they are emptying it out) i wanted the couch
we get there and load up a uhaul for some lady i never met
we load another truck
we load the trailer
we drive then we unload the trailer
i fall asleep on harolds couch (the father in law)
then we go eat catfish scott has a burger then cleans my wallet out to play video games with kyleigh
i get a blue kiss from the donomonster
we go to mom and dads house
we chill we play we talk
time for bed different house this time
i sleep late because my soul hurts from all that moving
wake up shower and load up my car
go to kyleighs birthday
we eat the cake we eat the ice cream
i get a ride on the chuck wagon
we set up the water slide
the kids get wet
paul says time to go (he has to be back at base by a certain time)
he drives i ride
kennett stop to get supplies
drive drive and drive some more
arbys in gijoe land waitress is so stoned its damn funny
fill out forms and undergo vehicle bomb inspection so i can get onto base
pauls temp hole in the wall
we look at maps i didn't want to go to columbia again
new route
im gone
springfield then up
opened up the sunroof great stars out and not that many cars
got home about 12:30
unpacked - started laundry - checked computer crap
read some of haunted
sleepy time

i have a satchel

my computer makes this weird robot noise when i do searches. its kinda neat, its kinda annoying, kind of like me i guess. i could not bring myself to actually get out of bed this morning so i didn't for awhile anyway i was late getting here but no one seemed to care then i tried to make some coffee but it was from old stock and it loooked grey so dr pepper instead and it just doean't kick and kill brain cells and make me jumpy in my jumpsuit like coffee does. trying to get my brain ready for that 450mile drive, just not there yet, maybe a nap is in order or wait the hot tub sounds like fun... brb



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btw if you want to help with my recent medical bills click on the image above to see some photos i have for sale - fill your house with random photography.

Road Movie

its
almost
time
to
hit
the
ROAD

We Bend the Rocket

the first time i woke up this morning i feel right back to sleep and dreamed i was a flower in need of water...

i have this feeling that people want to contact me today...

i forgot to wear deoderant again, but that is really nothing new...

after both robin and daniel told me to watch it i rented "Brick" last night and watched it after i got back from zebar (celebrating mr tims final MBA class {no that is not a sport} with drinks at a bar on 39th st, i will never recall the name its across from mama's)

i think my new favorite drink is orange slice...

i am feeling the need to play so croquet...

i still need some plants - i want a bonsai tree or well one that i can make into bonsai - and some of those little sissors and a headband then i can yell "BONSAI" everytime i cut a little twig off of it...

right now i am listening to Sigur Ros - Live in Atlanta (they aren't there right at this moment it is a recorded show) favorite songs from this set Ny Batteri + Olsen Olsen + Hafssol + Popplagio...

i want to take friday off to ponder life and drive to my parents house to help them move to their new (old now fixed) house and go to my neices birthday party (i love to wear stupid hats and pin tails on donkeys)...

i like the light today - looks like it might rain - looks like i need to go take some photos

2 things photo related coming up will make formal announcements shortly need to get the details all together myself...

i think thats all for today...

Teachers Pet (someones paying attention)

this time of year is the awesomest, fall is coming you can almost feel it behind all that heat, except that last couple of days have been pretty damn nice especially at night, last night had a great feel, something is about to change, weather - pappy's life - whatever i don't know but its going to be good this time.

this weekend was good but made me tired - the wedding was awesome and the photos i think are double awesome but you know me im a little biased...

i will be uploading some new photos to etsy later this week if you have requests let me know, will be some different pricing on some of them as well.

The Ghost oF PreSchooL

Halloween is fast approaching, so plans had to be finalized, none of that trick-or-treating shit this year, this year is going to be insane - ooogly boogly style. We've got a large stock of eggs, toilet paper, and loads of dishsoap. The website we found last night gave us so many new ideas, new places to go, buildings we didn't even knew existed. Granted some of them would be a bit of a trek on bikes but we could do it if we planed it all right. Raise hell, soap and coat our teachers yards, steal some candy then we go to at least three known haunted buildings/houses then we spend the night in the tomb. Jeremy and I worked on the plans all night printing out some maps of the places we could find then we did as much research on the buildings as possible, there were only a few websites that listed places in our area but these three came up on all of them, so we figured they had to be the best. We got everything put together even made a small website that we password protected just in case. Now to get everything else in our so called gang to agree and join in. This Halloween will go down in history. A little kaoss a little candy a little ghost hunt then the tomb and then we get the money.

Moonunit Steve Bob TUBA Jackson

things i covered this week
1. i need TALONS
2. i don't fit
3. there is a scrapbooking convention in my pants
4. 1-3 redbulls (IMPORTANT)
5. the more puppys the more fun
6. drunk 8th graders ROCK
7. i like the snooze button
8. i make weird noises (but not during sex)
9. i am going to change my name to MOONUNIT STEVEBOB TUBAJACKSON
10. stevebobTUBA for short
11. there is still a TUBA in my pussy (HONK HONK) [wait that was at least a year ago, oh well for those non pmp readers and new people who got here by searching something gay (sorry i don't put tubas in my ass only hamsters and chickens) you need to start from the very begining from the birth of PMP to NOW...]
12. i want to cover myself in frosting
13. i was the 6th member of New Kids On the Block (i got kicked out because i thought it was a hair band and i can't dance not to any sort of beat thingy anyway OH I CAN DANCE) just to that other drummer my father says exists someplace in my head i think he hangs out with the little man maybe he plays his theme music (THEME MUSIC IS IMPORTANT)
14. why i am i still listing things like this
15. oh yeah i like to make the lists
16. just not as much as robin
17. i want a hovercraft (A BLUE ONE)
18. MySpace is broken so i can't look at all you assholes pictures of yourself that you think is sexy (MINE ARE FUCKING HOTTER THAN SATANS RECTUM)
19. do we really need anything after that - i was thinking we might but then i got to thinking about how hot satuns rectum would be and i was like instantly reminded of taco bell i have no idea maybe the little man is hungry maybe the drummer is or maybe i just want to rub hot sauce all over the frosting - i do like nachos though - cheese + chips + cheese + chips + cheese + chips + cheese + chips + cheese + chips + cheese + chips + cheese + chips + cheese + chips + cheese + chips + cheese + chips + cheese + chips + cheese + chips + cheese + chips + cheese + chips + cheese + chips + cheese + chips = SO DAMN GOOD

i like to make the fonts look neat

368 payscale myspace pose

i had a dream about puppies last night, for some reason their doggy mother left them on my front door step but it wasn't my apt it was a house someplace that i lived in, lots of couches looked like a flop house, i took all the lil puppies into my room they were sooper small and i was afraid they might die because they needed mommy, so i fashioned them some bottles with baby nipples from the kitchen drawer (this must be left over from kyles house) so i fed the puppies and they were happy, then my room was full of people playing with the puppies, then the puppies decided they did not want to be seperated and they wanted to live with me in this house and i was like wow this is a little too hippie for me, me with 4 dogs and it seems like an endless stream of roomates and couches, im sure there is a hash pipe here someplace - - no time - - banging on the window - - my alarm goes off - - i hit snooze - - now i am at the 8th grade dance but im like big like i am now and i am like a shaparone or something, two little giggling girls come up to me and tell me there is a kid drunk in the corner, im like ill take care of it, but im thinking, i have to meet this kid, i wonder if he has anything left, so i find the little bastard and he is shitfaced, my kind kid, i shake him down and take his bottle, but also in his inside pocket he has a puppy - - one of my puppies, he takes it from my hand and does this weird little magic trick and the puppy is gone, then i laugh he laughs, then he tries to punch me so i pick his little drunk ass up and toss him out the window, its the first floor nothing dangerous, but then i toss myself out the window and find the puppy back in his hand, i trade him the bottle for the puppy and somewhere i pull out a joint and we smoke and play with the puppy (no we do not get the puppy high - i do not condone that behavior so if you do that your a fuckass) [right now i am trying to listen to this old guy talk about being a photographer but i keep typing anyway] - - - ring ring of the alarm clock - time to get up - - i checked under my pillow for puppies btw

chase you through your dreams

every morning i make a list, today i am actually going to try and finish everything on it by noon. we will see what happens, usually after that first cup of coffee i get a bunch done then sort of fade and forget about it and play on myspace and deviantart for a few hours then i remember im still at work then i download some music check out the site and all the advertising we run then i sit here and giggle in hysterics (thats after i slam 1-3 redbulls - the more the deeper the giggle) then i play on the site some more then i chat with people on aim and msn until its time to go downstairs and heckle the bossmans. did i mention my attention span is about --- that long, except when i be off in pappy land and music helps me stay there - and your like damn what in the fuck is he talking about now pappy land work or just fucking typing here and then you relize yes he has no idea what this thing said when he started he just started typing and like magic ta da the fucking box is full of words and then that means pappy has done his job for the day, well his pmp job, now you will read this and be somewhat satisfied because one you read it two there are few cusswords and 3 now you feel you know me better and can understand why i love to hump teddybears in the backseats of strangers vw bugs, i love to make a huge mess too, when i get done it looks like a scrapbooking convention took place back there, tell me im not awesome tell me im not awesome or ill fucking paste your ass in a page, that reminds me of the drunken scrap booking we did the other night, im not admitting to anything or mentioning any damn names but somehow we found a scrapbook and then we found some glue and then we filled pages - it was quite fun, random act of scrapbooking

hooplehead

today i wish i had talons


ahhhhh ahhhhhh

somehow this fixes everything

round peg square peg world
i need to shave off my edges
make them harsh and sharp
then i will fit into the box

Garbage Truck Ballet

the coffee is hot
my plant is growing
he likes my office
i like my office
its time - - - - - -

last night it sounded like a garbage truck ballet outside my window, it was rather nice, they way they squeek and squeal when they go down the alleys, at first i thought we might a killer whale infestation - that or the chick that lives next to me is into some of that new age music and touching crystals. but no it was garbage trucks, the noise put me right to sleep visions of whales swimming in the alley ways, blasting the homless guy with a nice spray of brime and salt water, got to keep them bums healthy so they can jump out in front of all scooters

HI I think i LIke YOu

man: "So, can you see the light from your window?"
woman: "No, my drapes are too dark..."
man: "That sucks."
woman: "Not so much, i don't like a bright room."
man: "Yeah i kind of like dark rooms myself."
woman: "I like it dark and cold."
man: "Can we go there now?"
woman: "Only if i kill you first."
man: "Does this mean im gettin laid."
woman: "In a sense."
man: "Sweet lets DO IT."

New MUnf

you know what i think is funny - this shit with mel gibson - hey mel just shut the fuck up already that or tell them fucking jews to leave you the fuck alone. JESUS what the fuck kind of world do we live in that we can't blame someone else when we are drunk and get arrested. Every little group gets all pissy if someone says something negative about them. Well you know what FUCK YOU ALL... Get the fuck over it. IF you can't then GO FUCK YOUR MOTHER hows that i bet she won't care if you call her a jew nigger gook cunt spick fag pig while you are a pumpin her. Mel Should just tell them to get fucked he can say what he wants - stop saying ohh i am sorry oh i am sorry. Now its off to jew camp for you. I don't be hatin on nobody but when you get all stupid like that fuck you, hide behind your fucking little group and throw stones.... Ok enough of that fucking rant, im just tired of hearing it already.

So there was a fire or a supposed fire in our building last night at like 3:45am, so i laid there for awhile listeneing to the man woman combo warning right beside my fucking head "BLOOOOP WARNING THERE HAS BEEN A FIRE EMERGENCY REPORTED IN YOUR BUILDING BLOOOP PLEASE LEAVE VIA THE NEAREST EXIT DO NOT USE THE ELEVATOR" so motherfucker i have to wake up find shoes and shorts and then walk down fucking 10 flights of stairs - im like shit i think i would rather fucking burn to death. SO i get outside and its like the fucking dire drill in school everyone is filtering out and going across the street to sleep in the library parking lot, not really but shit it was funny seenin all them sleeepy fuckers in their pjs, i bullshited with james booker and derek until we got the ALL GOOD from super fireman, then it was like a mad dash to get in the fucking elevator... THen that fucking alarm didn't actually shut off until like an hour later... I HATE IT...

NOw on with the new month...... ahhhh..... Heat is supposed to chill today according to mr brian busby. I think i saw him leavin the building the other night, not ours but the chan 9 building, i can see the parking lot from my livin room, so sometimes i sit there and wait for the stars of the chan 9 news team to come out so i can see how they walk - not really dumbass, i just happen to see them as i am typin on my computer because its like in front of the window - i am not a window stalker well at least not for the chan 9 news team...

Ok thats it im done

We FOund the Body

i wish the sun would stop all this shiny stuff, i like the sun n all but the super heat and the super bright needs to chill pappys got photos to be taken i don't have time to wait on this super sun to peak every day then have like 1 hour to shoot, no no no, i need like all day shooting... got a few new things in the works show wise so fall time is mytime, plus i will be 31 too and this crap 30 year will be over with and all the shit that went with it will be gone bye c-ya later.... ahhh that will be nice, other than that i am boring today, working on my resume so if you gots a job that pappy would be good for say hey pappy i gots a job that you might just be good for and i will take a look at it