The Bones of an Idol

My coffee cup is yellow, its cute, i like it. I feel like i should smile when i drink out of it. SMILE. SMILE. :D Last day of August 2005 - see ya august you were fun and hot, just like a sexy beast. I shall hump the calaendar before i disguard you. HUMP HUMP HUMP. Sip Sip heres a tip for you. Well not really i have no wizdom to pass down or up for that matter. My wizdom is like a tree. Stuck in the dirt waving in the wind. Yeah thats me. No wait i ain't no fuckin tree, ima fuckin lumber jack and im gonna cut that tree down. Sell it to the paper mill so maybe i can be a book or a wooden rocket launcher. Sticks like dicks twigs like migs - flyin through the air on their way to bomb yo house with leaves. Break out the rake and get busy foo... Ok so im pushing fall here a lil bit, its still 90 out side. I should go buy school supplies, i need pens and notebooks, and a trapper keeper to keep my traps, and to keep all my womens straight, i keep files on you all, can you say STALKER. So if you got a vagina and you are reading this I GOT A FILE ON YOU. Kitty Kitty helps, she is very detail oreinted.

Urnal Cakes

Everywhere you go - there are boobs on the internet. Booobs all over the internet. Makes me want to be a kid again. I would have to stay up late, and risk getting caught watching SKinimax afterdark to catch a boob or two. Now they're everywhere. Makes you wonder what the little kids are looking at. I envy them. I want to be 6 again and have the internet and my daddys credit card number. I would be the envy of the 2nd grade. Pervin out on a Tuesday, jerkin off on a wednesday. SPLAT

Jesus and Pals

Im not quite superman...
but dammit i try...
if only i could fly...
beat down the badguy...
save the day...
save the world...
save myself...

Bad Posture

Wake up with a smile. Nextday...

Blue Underwear

wow the sun is shining - off to scoot
Most Common Questions Asked About My Scooter
from males
1. How fast it go?
2. How much it cost?
from females
1. Whats the gas mileage like?
2. Can i ride on the back?

Kung Fu Friday

Sometimes i wish i could kick some ass - kung-fu style. But i can't. So therefore i have to live with my weenie self. If i could kick ass you would be the first motherfucker on my list. Then prolly everyone else who ever beat me up, which is a lot of people. We would definatly have to revisit the incident of that girl who beat me up with a shoe when i was in 1st grade. I still have a chip in my tooth from that girl. Kung-Fu muhfuckers have no mercy, they will straight up beat a bitch with a shoe down. Rub her fuckin face in the dirt, stick that shoe up her ass, then laugh and smile and pee on her. Yes i still have this thing for that girl. Then i would ask her to make-out by the marble holes, just as long as she knew who the boss was. BEAT ME DOWN WITH A SHOE BITCH ILL SHOW YOU. Then i would take out the teacher who witnessed this, that motherfucker goin way down. 10 pounds of chalk dust up your nose with a rubber hose. YEAH FUCK YOU AND YOUR BROKEN GLASSES, you saw the whole thing and did nothin. I shall kill your children. Wow i could go on all day like this, all the people who have harmed me, but instead i will just sit in my front yard eating fruit rollups and mackin on the invisible super model squad that comes to visit me daily. They love me - my weenie - fruit rollups - and my scooter. Good FUCKING DAY TO YOU ALL. If you happen to drive by my house and i have a fruit roll up wrapped around my weenie just think about what i must be seeing.. OOOOOHHHHH. invisible super models are the shit.

I Can See Right Through

Nothing seems to be working today, no matter how hard i push the button. I guess it really dosen't matter. My jeans got stolen off of me today that was kind of exciting. They promise to give them back. This is a picture of toyland called my desk. I play with the toys sometimes when i am not busy. Sometimes they play with me when we are busy. We have a great relationship. It is wonderful. One time i said hi to them and they all smiled and we were all happy that day. But on this other day i didn't say hi and they were all mean and pissy at me all day long, then Gumby and the Troll doll snuck up on me and put me in the headlock while the Playmobil doctors yanked on my testicles. Now that was not a good day. Today we are all good in the plastic hood. I smile they wave, except those Playmobil doctors. They are so lucky they don't have nuts otherwise i would have twisted them off already. Well time to hump Paddington and get on with the day. Have some stiff coffee and tell your Mothers i said hello. I used to deliver the MILK at your house. Oh yeah the Milf i mean Milk. I brought it. I brung it.

Red Dot to Dot

Dot to dot. A big red DOT. D O T. Dot is kind of a weird word if you think about it. DOT. DOT. DOT. Its so short and weird sounding. Like Do with a T. DOT. Dot. dot. Robot. Graveplot. Fucksalot. Pot. Rot. Got. NO ROBOT.. DAMNIT!!!! i don't have a jetpack either. I bet you THOUGHT you knew where this was going. BUT YOU GOT GOT - FOOOO. Because i don't either, i just type. I LET MY FINGERS DO THE WALKING. See what happens (BRAINWASHED) kill your tvs now. Or during commercial break anyway.

Some People Talk Too Much

Especially in the morning. Wash their mouths out with soap, scope in the spray bottle, i am going to patent that. Spray your back toof. Get that left over meat loaf out of there, onions from thursday, nachos from friday, brats from saturday, flesh of jesus from sunday. Yes i just said that you don't have to read it twice. Spray Spray - you can use soap on me. BECAUSE I SAY FUCK A LOT I MEAN A FUCKIN LOT. So spray my fucking mouth out with fucking soap because i fucking love to say fuck and shit and shit and fuck and fuck and shit, no fuckin shittin man. YEAH... im shut the fuckin shit up now.

Up You Huskie

So i have tried everything to straighten up my gay godzilla "GODTHILLA". But he is stubborn. All he wants to do is play really bad house music and dance around sayin WORK IT GIRL WORK IT. Then when he tires he humps this lil plastic lizard i have, then again scream WORK IT GIRL WORK IT. He prefers my mothers make-up to the backyard. He loves pink, and likes to wear sashes. We once tried to get him to fight this other godzilla "GODFORELLA" and well that was a disater. "THILLA" (as he prefers now) ran and hid. Then all night long used up every post-it note i had in the house professing his love to "GODFORELLA"... So now i just let him be him. He tells me when my clothes don't match (which is daily) and we are working on my sensativity (im an asshole)... So next time you run into a gay godzilla please don't judge. just WORK IT GIRL... (sorry that was really gay of me wans't it)

strong run

we gave it our best

Against All Odds

woke up late
tooo tired
driveway blocked street resurfacing
rain in the forcast no scooter
minivan almost running me off the road
damn city bus
bmw wanting to race then ride ass
all that in the span of about 20min

Pure Electronics Modern Electronics

Im so cool i dribble when i talk. Not like Globetrotter dribble, like foam at the mouth dribble. Like DAMN GIRL YOU WANT SOME SAUCE WITH THAT. dribble dribble. i need a bib, or a crib, or both. Nipple now thats what i need, a nipple to suckle. The word suckle, sounds so much better than SUCK. I wonder if thats why the made up the word Suckle. The baby suckles the teeeet. Pappy suckles the teet. TEETFUCK now see that makes no fucking sense. But when have i ever made fucking sense. Me and My Mr T lunchbox. We out

Pappy Phone HOME

I really got no one to call. I hate my phone, especially when it rings. Nothing too exciting to tell you and i got nothing to make up today. Im sure i do i just don't feel much like it at the moment. I shall go get some coffee at lunch or something so i can get CRAZY...

in the car crash

i play swayzak today and thats it

You Could Be This Big

i always wanted to be 250ft tall - at least for one day. i could get a job as a crane. that would be fun. tater tots the size of vw bugs. heaven i tell you heaven. Now i am hungry. I want giant tater tots. bleep bleep bleep

1:55

i like the rain
but im tired of it already
rained all weeekend
still raining
blaahhhh

Safe - T

like a nice warm bed, womb, cacoon...
i don't want to leave it
but i have too
i have too
see you on the outside

Preferated Edge

my brain is buzzing
must have been that implant
KITTY KITTY = SEND TRANSMISSION (sounds like that robot in empire strikes back) REKL:JAIOO:HKE:LI:K>> BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP
they have implanted something in my brain... i think or my anus im not sure... i just feel weird today, and when i was leaving the house this morning i heard the lens on the camera in the tree in my front yard ZOOOMING ZOOOMING, KITTY KITTY in the window giving me the eye. She caughed up a hairball last night and there were wires and AAA battery casings in it. I was wondering what the hell happend to my stash of batteries and my PDA. KITTY KITTY has injested the batteries for power and given my PDA to the ENEMY.
Sorry must run
Transmission is LOGGED

They're Listening

The phone is tapped. Dual mirrors. My underwear is missing in the morning. That thing that lives in my house is not really a cat, she is a listening device planted by THEM. MEOW MEOW 0789--***45. Kitty kitty is a spy. Kitty Kitty sends code through her pointy ears. The garden gnomes have shifty eyes. Anal probes and disco globes, its goin down i tell you, they are here. Paranoia is fun don't you think.

Da Hustle

Dodge Traffic, Dodge Noise, Dodge Dodge.
Make sure you drink lots of liquids
My troll doll says its going to be a hot one
She is always right, She could have Brian Buzzbee's JOb
If only she wasn't a troll doll
Troll Doll Discrimination runs pretty high in these parts
TDDA pass it. Lobby your government. Lobby yo mama.

They will soon come together

It feels like i got some connection stragglers this morning. Everything is so damn slow. The black turns into gray or grey depending on where your from. I love those days that the feeling of anything could happen next is in the air. I love it. Gots lots of shots this weekend, even after the wedding. Which we took like 40000 images, well maybe not that many but an assload. Im just gonna sit here and wait for that something to happen, where you at something, where you at.

Line in the Middle of Everything

it looks like rain but there is none in the forecast. i think i will pack up and go take pictures anyway, its great light, i will just pack a rain coat. have a good day.

Reach

wrap your head around that real hard
see where the brains come out
now ive got to go shoot a wedding
i shall not have more fun than you
i shall not have more guns than you
i shall just shoot the wedding
what you think about that

Sad Bike

Someone should rescue this bike. I would but like i got things to do. I have a shit bike as it is already, and now no wheels. I guess its back to square one on the bike situation for me.
Its nice out today. No rain yet but its brewin. But the humidity is not there, perfect great, feels wonderful. Why am i telling you this, all you really have to do is look outside. FUCK IT. MOnsoons here today, i had to bring the speed boat to work. LIfe jackets are required at all times. A river boat just went past my head. We float. I don't own a speedboat. I just run my vaccuum on a little raft.... IT fukin works i tell u. THere is some risk of shock there and you will need a very large extension cord. ENJOY
I have this feeling like nothing is going on tonight. IF THIS IS WRONG txt msg me. I don't like to answer the phone so much.

Gorthon now has BattleDamage

So i kinda wrecked my scooter last night. Nothing major just a few scratches. Scared more than anything really. NO i wasn't going too fast. Yes i had my helmet on. YES it was the pottholes fault. NO i wasn't drinking - then or before hand. NO im not on any medication. YES there was an imaginary super model on the back with me. NO i didn't imagine that its just real yo. YES GORTHON is a lil scratched up, just one small area. NO im not all scratched up. YES that is gas you smell. NO i didn't suck the cops dick to get out of a ticket. YES they never even showed up. NO he didn't ram a flashlight up my ass. YES it did feel pretty good. NO i never saw you wear your underwear so tight. YES please go home and change. NO don't tell them i did it. YES i will support the baby. NO i didn't eat lead chips as a child. YES my mommy did drop me lots. NO not on my head. YES i smell. NO i did not take a shower today. YES i konw i am a complete and total loser. NO i like pencils too. YES lets fuck. NO.. WHY NOT

What the Big Dipper Said

And we begin again. Another morning, another day. Great weather this morning though wasn't sweatin balls on my ride in, it was nice, would have been better if there wasn't anyone on the road but until the appocolypse happens i don't see that happenin any time soon, unless i leave at like 3am or something then i will have to drunks and cabbies to deal with. And everyone knows that nightshift cabbies are the new trainies, fresh out of the desert.
Ok enough of all that shit. Has anyone been in pauls house yet, im wondering if it even exists. He says its more than just a tent in a feild, but we all know paul all he needs is a refigerator box and some beer and he's set. Paul has homeless man skills. Pappy does not. Bums need wireless internet too.

Round and Round

everyone loves RATT.

My Icon Is All Different

So we begin a new month. Still feels the same to me. Still looks the same. It did smell different but they are repaving part of my street this morning so that might explain that, and i found an old bottle of Polo cologne (woman swoon) and i decided to douse myself with that this morning because i usually just smell like Tide and the wind or whatever it is a pick up riding into work in the morning, there are like 6 fried chicken joints on the way in so i prolly smell like fried chicken. Tim stop licking me. Time to work. Time to live. Time to stop writing in this grey box.